Fatties stay home!

The ever classy Ryanair, in a move possibly more problematic than United Airlines' recent announcement that it may boot obese passengers from full flights and charge them for a first class or second seat, is proposing a fat tax for obese passengers.

Not content with plans to scrap check-in desks, charge passengers for using toilets and clobber customers with a £30 charge if their duty free won't fit into their hand luggage, Ryanair has hit on a new scheme for increasing revenue: a so-called fat tax for overweight travellers.

In what appears as much a ruse to gain publicity as a serious policy, the Irish-based budget carrier said today it would impose an as yet undecided extra levy on passengers who weigh considerably more than average.

The charge, which could fall foul of discrimination laws before it ever takes effect, was proposed following a poll of passengers on the airline's website. It attracted more votes than other ideas, including a €1 levy to use onboard toilet paper, which would have the face of the airline's famously pugnacious chief executive, Michael O'Leary, printed on it. The fat tax gathered nearly a third of all the votes.

The airline now plans to poll passengers on how the charge should be calculated, with ideas including a per-kilo levy for all men weighing more than 130kg (20 stone) and women more than 100kg, or a fixed penalty if a passenger's waist touches both neighbouring armrests at the same time.

The United policy is controversial in part because it targets a group of people that is easy to target, because being overweight is seen as the result of a lazy, undisciplined, gluttonous lifestyle, and the penalizing of overweight people for their indolence enjoys tacit acceptance among many members of the public. What appears as a simple case of "well if they take up more space let them pay more" is far more complex, since other dimensions or manifestations of 'largeness' are not equally treated. I fly often, and have never been inconvenienced by a person spilling into my seat because of fat hips or a large belly. I have many times, however, been shoved around by a person who did not appear fat and who managed to buckle his seatbelt, but had such a large back and shoulders, he was occupying his seat and half of mine.

And this is not the only case where it might be fair to question how much of the responsibility is the passenger's and how much is the airline's to provide a conveyance that ensures the comfort of all its passengers. At some point when I wasn't looking, it became my problem that my reclined seat would inconvenience a tall passenger behind me. So I am now expected to spend an 8-hour flight bolt upright because a passenger - who is their responsibility, not mine - cannot fit into the standard space afforded when the seatback before him is reclined. Surely it is the airline's responsibility to seat us both comfortably. Why isn't the tall person behind me being forced into first class or a second seat at an additional price? Or why am I not being asked to pay a premium for a reclinable seat, since my back cannot sustain extended periods of sitting upright? There are other groups of people who require more space; not just those with broad, fat midsections (because fat can be distributed differently so as to allow Person 1, who weighs the same as Person 2 but carries it in other parts of the body, to be exempt from this penalty depending on how fatness is measured).

But Ryanair is not even pretending that this is about the comfort and safety of other passengers. (Well they are pretending but) in the context of the cost-saving idea poll, it's clear that this is merely another in a series of arrogant and idiotic cost-cutting measures. What they are proposing is to possibly weigh passengers and then charge them for each kilo they exceed some predetermined standard weight. As the article acknowledges, this is likely to be shot down under discrimination legislature, but I find it mortifying that a company would even suggest something so absurd, and worse, that the public would endorse it. I'm sure those voters who supported the measure are going to love being made to step onto a scale to see whether they are within passenger weight guidelines, while friends, family and strangers look on. Even as a publicity ruse, this policy is chock full of boo and hiss.

And Ryanair's gem of a spokesperson, Stephen McNamara, also had this to say:

"These charges, if introduced, might also act as an incentive to some of our very large passengers to lose a little weight and hopefully feel a little lighter and healthier."

Eureka! Why didn't we think of this before? Discrimination and humiliation are surefire ways to get people to lose weight. Quick! Everyone drive down the street and oink at the next fattie you see. We'll all be thin in no time.

LolTimes: 10 Most Expensive Vacations

Reader Camel sent this Times story with Barbados topping the list of 10 most expensive places to vacation. She says, "I think they're lying," and I'm inclined to agree, at least if not lying, that they're being disingenuous. Their calculations are based on a basket of vacation goods. This basket costs over £150 in Barbados: £55 more than it does in the number 2 country on their list, Mexico. The exchange rate they use for Barbados is wrong (it is closer to 2.80 to the pound than their 2.58), and as for the list of vacation goods, well, I have some responses:

-Cup of coffee, Bottle/can Coca-Cola:
Many hotels have free/price-inclusive breakfast drinks. Besides, you aren't likely to be knocking back 3 cups of coffee a day in 28 degree weather. Plus, um, Diet Coke is actually cheaper in Bim than it is here. Ssh.

-Bottle of Heineken:
Drink Banks!

-Bottle of mineral water:
The tap water is perfectly drinkable, and locally-bottled brands are much more affordable than say Evian or Volvic.

-Factor 15 suncream and Insect repellent:
Just buy this crap at the chemist's or in the airport. As Bajans would say, bring it from home (or walk wid it)!

-Three-course evening meal including bottle of house wine in a local restaurant:
They say that for this you can pay £135.52. Of course you can. You can pay a lot more than that if you feel like getting rid of your money. But you can also pay a lot less.

This article is such inconsequential, poorly-researched rubbish. It's amazing what people are paid to write. That is all.

Across Africa

I'm passing through in a flurry of colons and stage directions (writing a theater performance piece that is at the moment dangerously close to being pure suckage, so am performing last-minute CPR) to highlight Chioma and Oluchi Ogwuegbu, two Nigerian sisters who "are hoping to reverse the trend of bad news out of Africa by touring the continent documenting its good news stories."

Their journey so far has seen them visit Ghana, Burkina Faso, Gambia, Mali, Senegal, Guinea Bissau, Cameroun, Cote d'Ivoire, Guinea, and Sierra Leone.

And what they have discovered is a land of friendly people, beautiful landscapes, unusual dishes, and unexpected hospitality and kindness.

Their website features photos, information about their route and my favourite part - a blog (not recently updated but still interesting) with little stories from their travel. Give it a gander.


The photo at right, of a carved tree in Senegal, is taken from the sisters' website.

Welcome to the Kensington Entertainment Complex & Integrated Visitor Experience

Oh and you may also find some cricket somewhere.


I haven't been to Kensington for a little while, but watching the 4th Test online, I realize that there is now a man-made beach at the Oval? Man-made beach. In Barbados. Not just in Barbados - if they had put it in St. George or St. Thomas one might be able to understand - but does someone want to cast a glance just north of the Oval? Because if you do, you'll realize that Brandon's beach is right there! You can probably sit in the stands and with a good wind, throw a fishcake right into the water at Brandon's. What is going on? What kind of attention-deficit issues require that you combine the beach experience with First Class cricket?

Yes, cricket in the West Indies is a party experience, with our rum and conch shell-blowing and music in the stands. But those are reasonable accompaniments to the game. Now we have a beach and volleyball court and a swimming pool on the fine-leg boundary. I hate the word 'purist': I like to think that I'm adaptable and down with the future and all that. But since when is cricket not enough? I realize that we're trying to get all fancy with our tourism product and over-stimulate the poor tourists so that they keep spending money in a haze of confusion. And that we're also trying to attract young people to the game. But there's a way that we do cricket in the Caribbean that is unique to us and would presumably be what people want when they go to watch cricket in the Caribbean.

And how long have we been providing EPL football updates over the PA system? As readers of this blog will know, I love me some football, but when you get to Kensington, it's time for cricket. If people want football updates, let them check their iPhones. Grumpy, aren't I? All I need right now is a stick to shake and some young people to yell at to get off my lawn.

Maybe I'm just jealous. Barbados was already the best place in the world to watch cricket, and now you people have a pool and beach and all I have in the way of atmosphere outside my window is a "bird sanctuary" that looks suspiciously like a plain old swamp. I should be less plaintive and more proactive, like this guy. I haven't experienced this new Kensington first-hand, so I'm reserving final judgment until then. But I don't like the looks of it, I tell you.

Am I just being ornery? Cricket fans: opine here.

Painting by Nigel Pierre.

She won't go, go, etc.

I don't smoke cigarettes cause it could stop I breath
I man don't sniff coke cause it would make I choke
All I smoke is the real ku-sheng-pen
Ku-sheng-pen make I count from one to ten
Pass the ku-sheng-pen
Pass it over

- Frankie Paul

It seems that Amy Winehouse, who has been on vacation in St. Lucia forever, is staying on vacation forever. The Sun (Sun? What? Who said that?) is reporting that she and her father are searching for a house there, and those close to her think it's a brilliant idea:

“Amy loves it over there and being away from it all has helped her hugely in her fight against drugs.
“She has been drinking and smoking cannabis but is still a million times better than she was in Camden.

Amy is doing it in true Caribbean style, just as Frankie Paul would have wanted. That quote above gives me pause and a bit of a giggle, but if she can in fact turn her poison into medicine, I'm all for it. Especially if it brings us another Back to Black.

The mongoose's Barbados

Inspired by The Guardian’s Been There guest blog spot, I’ve decided to share some ‘insider tips’ on visiting Barbados. In a country that is 166 square miles, it might seem unlikely that anything could be hidden, but let’s just say this is my Barbados: the way I like to do it.

Most people who find themselves vacationing in the tropics will most likely have fled the winter chill, and Barbados is fantastic year-round. But there is no time quite like summer. The fares and accommodation are cheaper, the Crop Over Festival is in full swing, and the smell of party is in the air. Then, you get to jump for Kadooment, the all-day street Carnival; hear the calypso music – either in the tents or on the radio; and have your pick of events. You will never run out of things to do during the summer, and you’ll manage to avoid the hordes of frozen souls seeking respite. Hotels are not cheap. If you can afford it, I’ve always envied the rooms at The House and The Sandpiper when I snuck a peek while there for lunch, but if you’re going to be out and about, the cheaper ones in the Gap, or even an apartment hotel, are fine choices.

Barbados is among the top Caribbean destinations for haute cuisine. My favourites are The Mews at Second Street, Holetown, or Champers for a more casual setting with lower prices and delicious food. But for true Bajan fare, go to Moontown, the fishing village in St. Lucy, for all kinds of fish, sea cat (octopus) and other goodies. I prefer it on a Saturday afternoon when people are just milling about, and I always get a whole, steamed red snapper, and breadfruit cou-cou if they have it. But on Friday and Saturday nights, there’s a fish fry that’s more animated, and it’s a bit less overrun than the one at Oistins. Stick around and explore Speightstown, especially the produce market.

Also on a Saturday, The Village Bar at Lemon Arbor, St. John serves a mean pudding and souse. Get there early (around 11:30), order early, and hang out for a while. And see if you can get some Legendary fish cakes if you ever pass through Bank Hall.

With apologies to Chefette, it must be said that Tuck Away on the west coast has the best ice cream in the country, and possibly on the planet. They feature slightly wacky, all-natural flavours like soursop and nutmeg, but if you’re a nut lover, the peanut butter is hands down the best. They don’t keep a fixed menu, so cross your fingers that they’ll have what you’re craving.

If you happen to be there at New Year’s Eve, Esquire Entertainment hosts what is fast becoming the only holiday event that matters. Bliss (that’s the name of the party) is refined enough that you can wear that LBD that you dubiously packed, but Bajan enough that you won’t feel you could be at a high-brow party anywhere in the world. They also host a brilliant summer shindig. The talent involved are friends of mine, but there’s no shilling here. Ask anyone: it’s simply the best party around. At any other time, The Gap will give you a decent taste of nightlife. But you’ll need to keep your ear to the ground for one-off events, which are really the heart and soul of party life in Bim. Listen out for the name Brewster’s Road. They tend to stick to summertime parties, but if they have an event on while you’re there, do not miss it.
For contemporary culture that goes beyond the more predictable hotel or cabaret shows, see some of the spoken word performances by young talent like Adrian Green, Dempstu Simmons Jr, Selena Dodson and Yoshi. Around March to April, there’s the famous Holders Season, which features mostly imported but varied talent. I love it, but if you’ve just left London, you may not feel pressed to go to Holders for a play by the Globe Theatre.

Of the usual tourist haunts, I would recommend Harrison’s Cave and the Barbados Museum. But I’m not the sight-seeing tour type. I like to just get out and get dirty, which is best done in Bridgetown on a Saturday morning. Visit the markets, get jostled about in Swan Street (I no longer do this. I’ve earned my stripes) and drink a coconut.

You’ll need to rent a car to drive along the east coast, and to the Soup Bowl and pools at Bathsheba. Be sure to see Cattlewash and Bath, and get further into the interior like to Cherry Tree Hill and Morgan Lewis Mill in St. Andrew. Ragged Point lighthouse is another beautiful but under-rated spot for observing the east coast scenery. In Barbados, not much is far away. You’ll have plenty time to see it all. I usually take to horseback for some of my exploring: there are stables that will let you have an equine companion for the trek. But a car works as well.

For shorter haul trips, you’ll be encouraged to take a mini-van (public transport, not the SUV) for the novelty of it. They’re smaller, more frequent and a little more accessible, but more frenzied than I like to feel as a rule. Instead, I prefer to take the big, blue government buses when I can. When I was a child, I would sit among the vendors going to market on the bus and listen to their take on everything from cricket to the budget speech. It’s a calmer ride, and this is where the really interesting people are. You can plan your journey on their website.

So that’s it; that’s the mongoose’s Barbados. Come on in.

Coconut vendor pic compliments a fellow blogger.